A new beginning or an anarchy in the waiting??

First of all i am new to this blogging thing. I have never kept even a personal diary which had my thoughts, but for the past 16 months, i have suffered everytime i looked in the mirror at myself. I have thought a lot about life and what does it mean to me. My life is not for me to live anymore, i am not enjoying life as every1 else might be. I am here still walking on the earth because others want me to, if not i could have begone long time ago.

Those who don't even know me will always see me a smile on my face, those who know me a little, will find me lost in my thoughts sometimes, but those who know the real me, which i must add, are very few, can see me engulfed in the flames that are lit inside of me, devouring me inch by inch every second.

I had a very different attitude towards life around 2 years back, everythin was cool, life was rocking, but things take their toll on u, and you can never know what hits u and everythin that you cherished, everything that you cared about, falls to pieces, and you are left shattered, withered, and lying on a cold bed of pain and misery. When things started to fall apart i felt as if i was lucifer, banished once again by god himself from heaven, to walk on this earth, till the judgement day arrives and sends me to hell for eternity.

As i sit idle and think about life, i wonder if it really is that bad, or am i making it worse. But the answer to that question cannot be answered, because everytime i think about life being not that bad, it comes again and slaps me in the face, making me fall back to the ground, with my hands on the floor, my face down facing the earth, looking through the cracks in the ground to see the hell that i am bound to visit one day, soon enough.


...........This ain't the last from me.....this is just the beginning of a new me.......i have changed once too many, and it is time to change once again.......for my sake, for everyone close to me's sake........i'll be back.